Das Rant
By C.G.

A Surprise Flat

Sneaky little leak.

I hate surprises, always have. Not a fan of surprise parties, haunted houses, or scary movies. To me life is all about control and people jumping out of dark spaces in effort to give me a rise is liable to end up getting slapped in the head. As such you could imagine my recent disappointment when I went out to the shed to snag my Salsa for a nice Sunday ride only to discover one very flat tire. Surprise!

What I found odd was that the tire carcass was perfect; No thorns, nails, not even any residual dirt from the last outing. Couldn’t have been a pinch flat either as the tire was rock hard the last time I came out to the shanty during the week. What the hell could have happened to make the tire go completely flat while hanging peacefully from its rafter hook?

After yanking the wheel and inflating the tube, the mystery further deepened. No cracks in the tube itself yet it refused to hold air. Now normally one would simply grab a new tube in this situation but, after tearing my shelves apart, realized I was fresh out of 29 inch tubes. Surprise!

I mounted the flat tube back onto the rim, seated the tire, and then inflated it to the proper air pressure. Maybe there was nothing wrong at all- a slow leak perhaps. I listened carefully, no hissing, no sign of escaping air. Yet within ten minutes the tire was flat enough to fall off the rim. I pushed aside all of the high-tech tools and gadgets designed to make tuning easier throughout the years and filled a simple plastic cup with water and a little dish soap.

Sure enough, the telltale bubbles began to surface directly around the valve stem. I pulled the tube again and checked for tiny cracks where the stem meets the tube- none. More soapy water and there it was: A hairline crack on the rubber boot of the valve stem itself. Surprise!

I yanked the tube again and set it aside. It looked like the weekend ride I longed for all week wasn’t to be. Maybe tomorrow after work I’ll have enough time to stop by the LBS to grab a couple tubes. I’d be surprised if they had some in stock on such short notice. And I hate surprises!

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